When will you get married ?

 When will you get married ?

I have been living a conjugal life for couples of year now. So I am free from being asked this question by my friends and relatives. But prior to marriage if anything was there for me to annoy much it was this question. I remember quite enough moments when I was harassed by this question sometimes put by my own family members and sometimes by friends, neighbors and relatives.

Seemingly, parents have a genuine apprehension about their offspring’s settlement  with a good husband or wife and a handsomely paid job and to be sure they do worry about it. But what to say to those people, who pointlessly show their concern about other’s hush-hush dealings? Either one gets married in the early phase of one’s life or may hang out bachelor belatedly is one’s own pick and decision. Celebrities, who stay single late in their life, may better know how painful this question turns to be. Ok. Let it go and let us acknowledge it as a part of the south Asian culture of eating into other’s personal affairs and life of which all of us are knowledgeable enough in one way or the other. I am not showing myself dry in water. Candidly,  I have put the question to my  friends and relatives many times and been asked reversely too.

Answer to this question is not as superficial as  the question itself sounds to be so. One of my friends, while we were pursuing our master’s in Kirtipur, used to ask me when I would fetch my ‘Bahuni’(as we are from the eastern extreme of Nepal we often use this term to wit and amuse) and I used to turn to be pale and feeble with his question. Such a question would painfully put me in hard time for two reasons; first I was 25 then and was worrying for not going everything timely i.e. completion of education, settlement of life etc. even after passing 25 springs of life. The second reason that used to poke me when encountering with the question was the secret that my younger brother had already been a father of two children back at home in Jhapa and this secret of my privacy was not concealed any longer from him. My friend himself was already an over-grown soul then to get married and has not yet manage one to bind up with

 Some may plan to marry after 30 or may answer  ‘when I get a good job’, or ‘after the completion of my degree’,  or ‘never’ or so. But there always  remains a significant quarter of  youths whose answer to this question is visibly as ‘as soon as I find the right person to marry”. I am going to talk in the lines below on this category of youths who are not in the frame of mind to prolong their single life any more but still can not manage to marry.

 Why one does not think about getting married or may push the time further and further shunning the marriage could be an another topic of discussion. But what I want to gossip about in this short write up is the fact that even fresh people let alone the second hand ones having a strong mindset of getting married this year or so can not meet their target with no trouble. To the day I have a number of my friends doing well in their respective professions, who have been thinking about getting married for three years or so yet are not fortunate enough to find one to go well with their criteria. This may hark back you to a saying in Nepali “ If you have your feet, you get shoes enough to choose a pair from” or it may sound an implausible big talk  to somebody. For this I just take help of another saying in Nepali “ Pain of  labor is best known by a mother cow only”. These friends while sitting over a cup of tea do not miss a chance to ask me to do a favor by finding  them a spinster, of course, beautiful, well learned, cultured, capable and so forth. Obviously, every man and woman has their own dreams regarding their would be spouse. Those whom one likes or sees one’s future in do not easily turn  their heads on and those who easily turn on are not the ones who one wants to tie up the knot with. This is not only the case with boys but with girls too. Going round this cyclone of veracity many well grown guys and lasses are being over grownS.

Ours is a country where unlike in the western societies neither the culture of advertising oneself to find a good spouse by the means of different marriage management agencies and media could explore nor the practice of taking instigation of marriage matter by youngsters themselves could have yet assured the parents. Many boys and girls in the town, who have well crossed the threshold of being remain single are in quest of their best spouse to suit their class category but are not being lucky enough to click the eyes and heart each other due to the lack of a fitting link source.

One of my friends 31, who is successfully  running a consultancy business in the town, after having a long stab on his own right at finding a girl to marry and  turning it into a failure, is now fantasizing the world with his newly fixed fiancée on phone which he made possible in due course running after his father. He views that there is a raft number of educated people who without working by a reliable link source for them, can not get married putting a few exceptions of experts in love and affairs aside. And in his opinion such a effective and dependable source would be  none other than arranged by parents themselves in which marrying candidates either be they girls or boys feel more secure.

Do you believe in the maxim that couples are made in heaven and that  it is not  as big a deal as this write up tries to portray? If ‘yes’ is your answer then you do not have to run to and fro to choose a contender as your spouse being suffered from the incapability of making a precise decision but just you should find the place where she lives waiting for your arrival. Good resolution! Congratulation!